The gift of not getting what you want

Today I am sharing some food for the soul. A recipe for peace and joy for the mind, body and soul. The ingredients are simple – faith, gratitude and love.

From childhood, we have been wired to think that we should ask God for fulfilling our wishes for better health, studies, prosperity. Slowly, as life unfolded its meaning, I realised that the beauty of life lies in not getting what you want but accepting what life has to offer and witnessing the magic called life. Experiences have taught me that not getting what one desires is a much bigger teacher if one is willing to open up and learn. So today I am taking you down the memory lane of three experiences that have shaped and moulded me.

As I sit back to think, though 35 years is not very long, God has been kind in giving me profound experiences in life. I was a good student in school. For a long time, I regretted not being able to make it to an elite engineering college after school. I had some expectations of clearing at least NIT. But, alas, that was not part of God’s plan. I later understood that a lot lies outside our control and there are much bigger factors at play – planets and stars, karma, past lives and gurus. Not only did I understand humility but God’s plan had a silver lining to it. Had I cleared the exam and made it to NIT s, I would not have met my now husband and then boyfriend. Falling in love changed me as a human being…. made me vulnerable. It broke open my soul to experience a myriad of emotions. It made me believe in the miracle of love and life. My husband was also my confidante for the next major turning point in life.

Giving birth made me believe in the higher power. When we were about to have our baby, I was placed in a hi-fi corporate job in Mumbai with a fat paycheck in a comfortable apartment on the 19th floor in Mumbai. But, life decided to switch on the action button and it turned out to be a high risk pregnancy with a risk of premature birth and possible birth defects. There was hardly anything under our control. Yes, by the grace of God we had money and access to the best doctors but that was it. My baby was born premature at 29 weeks and 900g. He stayed in the Neo-natal intensive care unit for 2 months before we could take him home. Everyday had a new challenge for us. On somedays, the baby needed blood, somedays, they were unsure of his vision capabilities. Doctors and nurses, who were our angels, were doing all they could but they also said, anything could happen. I prayed fervently. I just needed someone to assure me, that he will survive. From astrologers to temples and churches, our friends and family left no stone unturned.

On one of the many sleepless nights when I kept wondering what the future entailed, a realization dawned on me. I thought of my aunt, who had 12 pregnancies and only one child survived. I thought of the pain of parents who lost children in teens to accidents. My pain in comparison, dimmed. Somehow, something in me clicked and I was ready to accept what life had to offer. I was no longer scared. Accepting life as it was, made me fearless. My prayers now changed from requests for something to gratitude for everything. Faith carried us a long way on this journey. By God’s grace, my son is 4 years old, a healthy and happy toddler, ready to join school.

The last experience has been deeply etched on my soul. Witnessing the death of my father made me rethink about life as we know it. My father was a self-made man. Born in the village to uneducated parents, he made his way to medical school through sheer grit and determination. He was bold, strong headed and made a name for himself through service. He had helped family, friends just about anyone who had reached out to him. He was a famous paediatrician with a thriving medical practice. One fine day, a brain stroke changed everything. The sharpest man I knew, now could not recognize his wife and daughter. We tried everything, from the best doctors all across India, to the latest therapy, but could not save him. Among so many things that Bapa taught us, he taught us life’s biggest lesson in death.

While grief, shock, pain engulfed us the cremation ground silenced every emotion. It was a rare sight… the still body, the vermillion all over the head, the fire, the sounds of the waves, the other lifeless bodies lying around, the chants. The sight changed me forever. This has pushed me to think of life very differently. The irony of life is so stark ….How we all have to meet the same fate and yet we think all of us are so different? How we ask for mercy in our prayers but how we become so rude in our life’s dealings. The death of my father taught me, the impermanence of what we have. It also reinforced the belief to be grateful for what we have and live in pure joy, giving love and happiness to whoever you can.

I have come to believe, that not getting what you desire, can be a gift. It’s God’s special way of leading you to a more beautiful life if you are willing to accept God as your safety belt and enjoy the ride!