Bapa

Today is exactly 3 years since Bapa left us to go beyond. Losing a parent, be it at any age, is like a part of you that goes missing….. forever. Their voice, their smile, their laughter, rings in your memory. You catch a glimpse of them… sometimes in an uncle who showers you with love, in a whiff of your partner’s after-shave or in one’s child as he speaks. Sometimes, you feel they will just walk in to your room like old times.

Every year, as the month of May begins, memories flood my mind as I do my routine tasks… while I push myself to exercise, whip up some dish at the restaurant or tuck Ishaan into bed.

My thoughts are all about what happened in the summer of 2020….How one brain stroke changed everything…How fast, the strongest man I knew could hardly recollect which city he was in…How he struggled to get back to writing, because patients were his life and writing prescriptions was the only thing he knew… It broke our hearts to see him so helpless.

We are grateful to God that it all happened in a short period of time and he did not suffer much. We choose to remember him in all his grandeur. Yes there were multiple times, I did not agree with what he did and we had our share of fights. But, today as I write this… I am so proud of who he was and the way he brought us up.

Bapa was born in a village to very humble parents. By sheer grit and determination, he made his way to medical school. We grew up watching him attend to patients day and night, never ever complaining. Through hard work and sincerity, he came a long way from where he started. He never ever forgot his roots and hardly had he ever, refused to help anyone. He truly felt the pain of others. From serving food to all the house helps first, to funding education for a needy relative to secretly sending funds to his relatives in need. He never ever stopped to check how much he had, before giving.

For a man who grew up in a village, he had a very open and broad minded approach to life. From when I remember, we had help in the house to help Bou so that she did not toil in the kitchen for hours. Bapa was way ahead of his times. He encouraged Bou to learn driving. That is a different story, Bou took driving lessons but only learnt to drive in an open field.

He was a proud father to three daughters at a time when people were obsessed with having sons. Bapa and Bou empowered us with the best education they could provide and instilled in us the importance of values. He taught us to be bold, do the right thing and aim for the sky. I remember one of our relatives taunting him as to why he was taking his daughter to study Arts to Delhi. (Growing up in a small city like Jamshedpur, going to Delhi was a big jump.)Little did this uncle know, that my sister would crack the UPSC civil services exam as an India topper. And I guess, Bapa had unwavering faith, that she would do it.

When we were growing up, he was pretty strict about good behaviour and values but once he knew we were on the right track he was totally non- interfering in our lives. Bapa whole – heartedly supported us in all our endeavours. When I decided to marry out of my own choice, he agreed in the first instance I told him about Partha. He did not even wait to meet Partha or check out his house or parents. He just had faith in me that I must have chosen well. He actually first met Partha on our wedding day.

I hardly remember him ever complaining about anything – Ill health or weather or situations. He ate whatever was served on the table and always ended every meal with “I am very satisfied with the food”. We often joked about this after having meals at restaurants. He was thoroughly grateful for all he had and I guess that was the foundation for the happy life he led inspite of all ups and downs.

He taught us many things in life but I guess he gave us the biggest lesson in death…the impermanence of what we have. It also reinforced the belief to be grateful for what we have and live in pure joy, giving love and happiness to whoever you can. So even today, when I listen to my higher self or do a good deed, I feel him smiling from above.